Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
