pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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