I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize