I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
