i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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