I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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