Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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