Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
