So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
