My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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