3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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