When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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