you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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