Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
