he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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