CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
