i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize