Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
