I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
