How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
