Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
