we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
