nutella sex= disaster
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
