problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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