hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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