What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
