Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
