Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize