I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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