Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
