i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize