4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
