Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
