Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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