I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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