You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
