Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
