I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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