Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
