so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
