Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
