I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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