Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
