Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bring me that man meat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
