bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
