Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
