I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
