addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my being single is dangerous.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
