His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
