Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
