The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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