Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
