At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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