need another drink. this is the easiest way
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
