I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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