I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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