stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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