When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
