you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
