So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
