He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
