im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
