the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
