i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
