found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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