Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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