Nicole vs. Life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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