I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
