I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
