We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize