I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
