we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
