I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
