Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
