my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My balls are so social today.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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