i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
