Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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