sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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