You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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