my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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