i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
