I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My feet surprised me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
