So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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