Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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